Lisa Joke Valentine
Tuesday, 14 February 2006 8:05 PM
Woke up 6.30. Did minor exercises. Thigh still twinges when trying stretches (back of right thigh gets sore). Shaved (have been able to get away with a shave every other day - but not lately). Left house 8.30 and cycled leisurely to training centre (very slight rainfall on the way). Arrived there at 8.50. Lisa arrived around 9am.

I said hi and responded when she talked (which was not much) and helped when she need help. But mostly I got on with my work. She mentioned I was quieter than yesterday. BUT FOR FUCK’S SAKE WOMAN ITS VALENTINES AND YOU ARE GOING TO BE WITH ANOTHER MAN - I didn’t say. She didn’t mention my gift - not once. She hadn’t played any of my CDs (she said yesterday - been too busy). She kept checking her mobile through out the day (probably lover boy).

Break time: 4 of us at the table. We all talked but I had my nose in a magazine and seldom looked up at Lisa. I didn’t make it a tense affair I was just trying to say "I’m trying to move on from my emotional slavery". The topic most discussed was whether Madonna had used a body double in her latest video.
The 3rd man (who was away yesterday) was in the midst of family rift. Her daughter, who has been staying at his house with a daughter, has fully split from her boyfriend. He had thought they were on the verge of making up. I had hoped (selfishly I know) Lisa would take this as another omen (god working the way he does best) for breaking up with her current man. I was sending mental waves to her insisting on her magnifying any doubts she had for her current relationship.

After break more of the same really. At Lunchtime I said see you later and left for the canteen. I didn’t look to see Lisa’s actions. I cycled into town to buy some vitamins to aid healing. I got back for 1.30. Lisa came in 5 minutes later. She acted a little drunk and very giggly. She spent most of the rest of the day on the Internet. I did not even try to see whom she was communicating with - I had lost. She did send me a consolation valentine email
(Just to send you a kiss on Valentine's day!
Have a great day with whom you love and care about.
With love Lisa)
I thanked her for it (in person).
When she needed my help for her work she came over to see me working. That was the closest she came to being a friend cause she actually talked personal stuff. It’s because she keeps her distance that I feel she is not treating me even as a friend. So is it any wonder I am going mad. The only personal interaction is during the training day. All attempts as later interaction have been rebuffed by her. Well perhaps you readers can see her point of view - I just don’t like it.
I did mention her boyfriend a few times in a couple of jokes - no response. We did have a few laughs (probably the wine she had drunk).
She even mentioned she wanted to go to a gym to tone up. I wish I had said (Lisa for me you are already perfect - alas I did not). She did admit (yesterday) to not liking her legs (so at least some of my observations are correct - a little consolation)

4pm I said see you tomorrow and left. I didn’t see her.
5.30pm I went online and she was online too (but busy). She went offline-online a few times. By 8pm she was offline continually (so I assume she was having her valentine meal/present).

Its amazing how much more lonely Valentine’s day is when you know the person you want to be with…is with someone else.
8.30 I am listen to music (the only medication that has a slight effect at relieving heart ache).