Cold Turkey

No contact from Lisa yesterday. Yesterday I did a late night cycle ride to lessen the knot of tension that builds up when you’re crazy over someone. Pitch black, no lights, high speed, river :) - I got home ok and in good health.

Today. No contact from Lisa. I did, I think, see her during my lunchtime. But for some panic reason I decided not to confront her. I don’t know the logic of taking either action (i.e. avoid her or confront her). I think she saw me too.

18:38 I just tried the last desperate act. I phoned her and she let it go into Answer-machine. I did not leave a message. Earlier today I sent an email, I sent an SMS. So I now know I did just about all I could to make today happen (the going out). She, on the other hand, has done everything to ensure it does not (other than suggest it in the first place).

18.49 She picked up my Yahoo Greeting.
19.39 No contact from Lisa. I am still “a friend” as she has not disconnected me from her online network.

So I have resolved to cure myself of this addiction. I’m gonna go cold turkey. No more messages from my end. No more phone calls or SMS. No more journeys to her park (tough as I like her park). No more perusals of her online photos.

In many ways she’s been a good thing in my life - she woke me up. I have feelings again (beyond family). So if she is a tool of God then perhaps her work is done. But perhaps she works for the other guy. You can see how my head wobbles from thought to thought. A curse of being a comedian - as is being perpetually sad.

Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life (and incidentally, that word again, Lisa is meant to be in “The Training Centre” tomorrow). NO I DON’T KNOW HOW I WILL HANDLE IT! I have good money at the betting shop that she will fail to turn up.

The lil guy is happy and still here as is his mom - they missed a Monday appointment and were rebooked for this coming Monday. My sister is chilling, watching movies, and enjoying her son. Lots of her friends have popped in and visited her. I kinda envy her having so many friends - wonder if they sell friends in the supermarket? I just rang the store. They do sell FRIENDS at the supermarket.

Damn just when the script was finished! THIS HAPPENED!
19:54 Contact by Lisa (Note - lack of feelings in tone, lots of friends as bodyguards LOL). I intend to attend with the motto “Nothing to lose, Everything to gain“. However this could be VERY EMOTIONALLY PAINFUL. The idea of bring S is a good one as it allows us to chat (and stops me being a lone cog in a well-oiled machine). Here is the email:

Hi thewellfunnyman,
I’m sorry I couldn’t meet you today but I had a very long interview and I have an early meeting in the new place I’m doing the placement.
Are you back in “the training place”? How is it going? Having fun with the staff? :)
I am going for drinks with some friends in town tomorrow night. If you want to come and have a drink we'll be in XXXXXXX . You should come with S.
See you soon,
LISA