Happy Mother’s Day

10.30am I woke up - Very late for me. I could hear the kids running rampant already - the lil guy and his 3 cousins. Nothing from Lisa in the emails. Breakfast was 2 fried eggs, toast and tea.

The cousins went out with their dad. He’s hunting for suits for them as they have a wedding to attend next weekend.

The lil guy finally completed the kids computer game “Putt Putt saves the Zoo”. He’s been playing it on-and-off for the past week. The idea is to find the zoo babies. He found 2 the first time and I saved the game when he got bored. Today he found the final 4. The last 2 he had a lil help from his cousins. Every time he found an animal he jumped off my thigh and gave me a great big squeezy hug.

The boys spent most of the weekend in their imaginary worlds (chasing each other around the house) and computer games and PS2 games.

Emotionally I wasn’t too bad today. I kept hoping for something from Lisa. But I am beginning to realise that she has no where near the depth of feeling for me as I have for her. I had hoped that once we spent time together she’d actually feel she’d met the real me. That only happened on Friday but then look at her response on Saturday to the “idea” of a relationship with me. And even on Friday the “boyfriend” was still a figure hanging over us as well as her friends.
So over the weekend I just tried to keep busy or occupied. Saturday I watched movies with the family. We watched GOAL and a bit of “The Weatherman” (had to stop this when the swearing interrupted the kids’ games). I also played Urban Terror online (yeah an old game) but I can no longer play for hours on end because my mind continues to mull while playing.

At around midday I sent her a yahoo greeting “Happy Mother’s Day”. I meant it as friendly note regarding her and her goddaughter. But knowing my luck I wouldn’t be surprised if raises some bad memory in her past.

My sister brought some flowers for our mum and our mum brought a card for my sister on behalf of the lil guy. We were contemplating going out but decided to wait for healthier days in terms of people and other things.

9.00pm My sister and the lil guy left today. So I now have 3 hollow places in my heart.

Tomorrow I am at the second placement where I may well, according to Lisa, get a chance of crossing her path as she does her rounds on her placement. I wonder how that will go.